Today, I tried my hands on the (3 lines) short Japanese poetry format known as Haiku, to capture my state of being through these times. See if you can make some sense out of it 😃;
It is an expression of hope. Hope because in spite of experiencing the crucible of life in new more profound dimension, God kept my eyes on Him. He preserved my mind and kept my eyes on Him. Slowly, I begin to see the day break as night disappears in the presence of light. This is like the beautiful sunrise in the horizon announcing a new day! What this new day holds, I cannot tell but one thing I know, God's in it and that's where I want to be. May my wilderlove for Him and His purpose never wane.
Three months ago, I knelt before God in hope for a miracle. I stormed heaven with an urgent prayer for an instant answer. As a family, we all rallied and dialled 911 to heaven. The answer came through but we were hoping for something more. Yes Derick confessed Jesus as His Lord and Savior a subject of great joy. In addition to this, the doctor announced he was getting better so our faith shot through the sky. I felt I could fly. God had surely marked, "yea", on our prayer bullets! Enter day three, that fateful Thursday May 7! Forever engraved in my memory it seems. Physically, things took another turn. I went in there, he was strong and did his best to stay strong. I left him after hours together but for the first time expecting the worse, though hoping not. The call came at around 22h but it was just emptiness for me.
Enter the crucible.
Had to be strong for everyone else. God had indeed answered our prayers, just not how we wanted it. The crucible is the crucible, you have to go through it to feel it, to know it. Calls, questions, emotions, prayers, emptiness etc and at the same time trying to be there for everyone. Does a broken vessel have any use? Absolutely. It depends on the master. The hospital, bearing the name of a "saint", St. Hillaire, tried playing some games. I am still to understand why they decided to play the devil at such a crucial time.
Some say it's politics others say it is for money, I say, I don't know. The cause of death was supposedly, “suspected possible COVID-19”! Funny because adjectives and nouns are free like air. You can write whatever , whenever you want especially if you have a white coat on and appear more important than everyone else.
Truth of the matter is, no one really knows. Not even the doctor. A week later, results came through but neither the name, nor the date of birth /day of test are his. More fish!
We may never know what Derick died of but the truth of his transition from this current abode of our physical bodies into eternity is unchangeable. He is very much alive, just not with us. He took with him his secrets but left us clues. During this season in the crucible, I have learned about myself like never before. My self awareness today is sky high. In the process of discovering who Derick’s real friends are, I discovered who my true friends are too. The crucible is a rebirth for me. It is not all those who say Lord, Lord who will enter heaven but those who do the will of Jesus’s Father”! It is not those who say friend, friend who are “true friends” but those who demonstrate beyond reasonable doubt, their friendship. Talk is cheap that is why actions speak louder than words.
Three months in the crucible and I dare say, “ahoy land in sight”! Jesus has stayed a true friend. He carries us daily through the storms of pain and reassures us our boat ⛵️, isn’t going to sink.
He is unchanging, faithful, awesome, present, uplifting, good, generous, forgiving and more....and by the way He is the Judge too! His saving grace is available to all who are willing to truly abandon a life of sin to live 100% for Him.
I have nothing but wilderlove for you, Jesus.
Definitions:
Wilderlove: A love without reservation or premonition. An innocent, childlike love. A love that's wild and almost instinctual ( Urbandictionary.com).
Derick’s forever page: https://www.forevermissed.com/derickngochi/about
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